Day 161 - being alone

For the first time in a while, I've been single for a good chunk of time. As I was driving back home from Toronto alone today I thought to myself how I was really happy to drive the trip alone. Then it hit me, for the first time in a long time, I really didn't want company. We often find ourselves afraid to be alone, and think that being with someone would cure problems we may have. How many times have I heard girls say, I just want someone to be with, and in a way that one would assume if they found that person, everything would be fine. I really think a lot of the time we're just afraid of ourselves. I thought about all the past relationships I've been in, and realised every single one of them, yes every one, satisfied one or more of my insecurities. And this scared the crap out of me. I heard once the corniest line, but I stick by it 'you have to be a me before you're a we' and that couldn't be more true. Unless you can be comfortable with looking in the mirror every morning, seeing all your idiosyncrasies and imperfections, and still be able to smile at yourself, you're never going to be able to be happy, no one can cure that. And I'm really thankful for being alone right now. For the first time in almost five years, I finally can breathe, look into the mirror and try to embrace the person staring back at me. Because relationships with others pass, but the relationship you have with yourself is forever. And I think the hardest thing I've come to realise is that the only way I will ever be able to be happy, is to find happiness in solitude.