Day 257 - loving what you do

Loving what you're doing is often the key in doing a good job, and getting the job done at all. About six or seven months ago, I decided to screw trying to make something amazing and noteworthy of my research. Letting go of pleasing or living by other's standards and doing what you actually love doing does two things. For one, it gets the job done, nothing is a better motivator than passion. Once you have a passion for what you're doing, you surprise yourself with the amount of work you get done. And secondly, the product you produce is surprisingly quite more thoughtful, polished and insightful then you could have imagined. Why? Because it's your baby, its the stuff YOU care about, so of course you're going to care for it. And furthermore, you're not doing it to prove yourself, the motivation in that work comes from a pure place, and its in this place where creativity has the most strength; because it's a place that has no other agenda then personal growth through expression.

Day 256 - a long overdue night with a friend

I had a long overdue date with a good friend of mine tonight. You know, its funny how much repair an evening with a good friend can do for yourself and for the friendship. I had been feeling pretty uninvolved in her life as of late and was slightly worried our friendship was loosing steam. After a nice evening together, and all the appropriate girls night ingredients, every stupid little worry of mine deminished. I felt great about our friendship and it brought us closer together, or reminded us of the impact and importance we have in each others lives. One night, its funny how we often complain that there's no time for anything in this world, yet friendships, relationships, lives are often salvaged in the most insignificant amount of time. Something to think about.

Day 255 - workplace family

I visited my old workplace today, saw my old team and my old boss. You know, it's really hard to find a place that you work at that feels like family. I often find that the colleagues are always kept at a healthy distance from ones personal life. But today I remembered how at home i felt with these people. I think a good employer knows this, and I think that's probably why most of my team has stayed and soem returned after so many years. And being there, in that work environment and feeling at 'home' so to speak I think is something to be cherished. I'm really lucky to have been and still be part of that team, that 'family.' Because that sort of relationship with a workplace is extremely rare. So this post is dedicated to the employers and employees who understand that yes, work takes up 1/3 of your life, which means, you should feel happy, at home and a part of something there.

Day 254 - nice guys

I remember when I was trying figure out if I should end a relationship a few years ago, my sister said to me, "What exactly are you worried about, that you're never going to meet a nice guy again? There's plenty out there." At the time I wasn't convinced. There are a lot of girls out there that say there really aren't any nice guys any where. But I think its all perspective. The loudest people are often the ones that give a voice for a group of people, and I think that's why so many girls say guys are such a**holes. They're the loudest, most in your face, and most likely the ones who will pursue you because their needs are usually quite primal. That's not to say there aren't nice guys out there, there are plenty of them. And today I'm thankful for that. Because yes sure, through all the noise its hard to see them, but they're there. And in some ways that makes them more special, because they're usually humble enough not to cause a scene.

Day 253 - being able to let it all hang out

There are a few people in your life that you let in enough to see the more unpolished and unpleasant parts of yourself. You know, the ones who've seen and spoken to you first thing in the morning without brushing your teeth, let alone showering. Or the friends who go to the bathroom while on the phone with you, don't act like it's never happened to you. These sort of things are signs of a very comfortable relationship between two people. And its these friends that you know you can keep around for a long time. Why? Because you've reached a point where there's no shocking them, which means both of you have the capacity to bring anything to the table, and somehow it'll be ok and dealt with.

Day 252 - honesty paying off

I've been having some difficulty lately getting something to work out. A few friends, good people, told me that I may as well try to fudge it myself, and take a more dishonest approach to the problem. After thinking it over I decided I'd try the honest way first, and if that didn't work out then I would reconsider. Today, all of the issues I was having worked out according to plan, and everything followed through without any shortcuts or cheating. I knew that if I did take the shortcut in the first place, it would have gone unnoticed and the potential harm would be negligible, unless revealed. But I knew the guilt of it all would haunt me. And as everything came into place today, it made me realise that sometimes the honest approach is often harder, there is less regret involved. If at the end of the day, you gave everything your all, and too the more 'honourable' road, the outcome is a positive one. Falsities only bring out crooked outcomes, maybe not initially, but as I've mentioned time and time again, you give what you get. And if you're giving you ultimately honest effort, you will receive that back in the end. And today I realised that doing the 'right thing' does pay off in the end.

Day 251 - early mornings

I've been having a hard time getting up at a reasonable hour and actually having a decent routine. Today however, was the start of a new leaf. And as tired as I may have been it felt nice to start a routine again. You know, I've mentioned in an earlier post that mornings are a good way to start your day off on a positive note. And starting that day earlier rather than later gives you all the more time to turn it around. Getting in more sunshine, more hours of daylight, is good for you, it actually makes you happier. We often over look these things when we're set in a routine or a certain standard. You sometimes never understand that something is beneficial to you until you actually experience it. People make excuses for themselves all the time, oh I just work better at night, oh I'm not affected by that, and so on. But as different as we all are, there are certain things that tie us together. And one of those things is not being nocturnal creatures. And having been a bit of a lost night owl myself for the most of my life, I'm thankful to have finally understood the benefits of an early morning.

Day 250 - good reflexes

I caught something today that I almost deleted from my email. It was a very important email that had been sent to my SPAM folder. Yes this is an odd thing to be thankful for, but I think it stretches farther than this particular instance. Sometimes are reflexes are so quick, they catch the most important things when it counts the most. Now, call me crazy but I think that's a moment of grace. A reflex, by definition, is: to occur in reaction; responsive. Now if we're responding to something that we're doing, is it really us that is responding? Or is it more of shake from the universe telling us, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? I think these moments are points where these two worlds sort of meet. Yes, I know I'm turning a SPAM email into a philosophical debate, but the reality of it is, in any other situation I probably would have just deleted all those emails without thinking twice, but today for some reason, something caught my and and caused me to react. And I think that these reflexes are indications that there is a 'reason' these things happen.

Day 249 - family of friends

I was visiting an old friend of mine who came in from out of town tonight. We have known each other for almost twenty years, which nowadays is hard to come by. Her parents know me really well, and as I was leaving her house after a short visit they all came to say goodbye. It was then that I realised that I not only had a strong relationship with her, but also with her family. Her family sincerely cares about my well being, my life and my family. And I think that stems from the bond that I share with their daughter. Our families often have a keen sense of what's important in life, whether we like it or not. And the fact that your parents navigate and care about certain people in your life, usually means that the impact that friendship or relationship has on you is often a good one. And I'm thankful for my friends families whom I've formed such close connections with. Because not only does it mean that there are more people to care about and be cared for by, but it's also an indication of a valued friendship.

Day 248 - friends you can burden

I almost put myself in a very vulnerable and compromising position today, but with the help of a friend who i can always count on to have my back and confide in, I felt safe and secure knowing she was just a phone call away. I always feel so blessed that I have such people in my life that I know, no matter how ridiculous the time of day it is or the problem, there is no need for me to feel embarrassed or hesitate to call them. You don't often find that, sure we say you can call on people when you need them, but at a certain point you can feel like a burden. But it's these types of friends that don't ever let you feel that way, because they'll go above and beyond helping you, before you can even say antyhing. And today, although with the potential of being in danger, I realised how lucky I am to have these friends in my life. So thank you, you all know who you are, for being my guardians, so to speak, in almost any outlandish situation.

Day 247 - experiencing people in their element

I think one of the best ways to get to know a person is when they're in their element, whether it be around familiar friends, within a comfortable context they can excel in or even at a venue or activity that they find inspiring. Qualities a person rarely shows come out in these circumstances because they are surrounded enough by things they feel comforted by that their walls are torn down. You see people laugh, talk and accept more in these situations. They are less worried about being defensive, offended and insecure about what they have to offer because there is an abundance of that part of themselves, there is safety in numbers. Its almost the opposite effect that a crisis would have on a person, in some ways its the best way to view what and how people are a willing to offer themselves to you.

Day 246 - late night talks with strangers

I've always wanted to stay up late talking with someone I barely knew, and I did so last night. It's funny when you find yourself so attracted to what someone is saying that you end up talking until the wee hours of the morning. Your both tired and groggy, and when you see each other the next day you end up feeling connected, because you shared that experience together. You learn about each other, and in some cases get a bit of a crash course into that persons life. And that's really amazing because so often do we try for year to get that sort of connection with people, and to have that sort of knowledge about each other. What I find great about it is that, even if its a momentary thing, the fact of the matter is, there was some sort of attraction you two shared in order to make you discount the 'responsible thing to do', which in this case would be sleep. And it is these moments that we often yearn for, because they're completely irrational, yet make so much sense.

Day 245 - good exes

You know people often believe that when you break up with someone, the potential of having them as a friend is gone. I've recently realised that's not always the case. People you share yourself with in a romantic sense, have a very deep connection to you, or at least they should. And in some cases, when the relationship is healthy, you can learn to part your ways romantically and still respect, admire and value that person for what they have the capacity to offer in your life. And not unlike friendship, these people share a strong bond with you. They have seen your ins and out, and I think when possible, when that connection is genuine and you sincerely understand that although you are both good but different people, and there aren't maliciously hurt feelings, the potential of that friendship is very great. And I am thankful for the couple of people in my life whom I've had the honour of knowing romantically and develop a very solid and deeply routed friendship with.

Day 244 - small efforts from parents

Moving back in with your folks after you've moved out is close to impossible. There comes a time in all of our lives where we grow out of our parents. They are set in stone, for the most part, in that old habits die hard, and at this point in their lives, they're not about to change their values, opinions and habits as easily as say I would. This can cause some friction between me and them in that I am a different person in many ways than them. But sometimes, although tough for them, small efforts are made to respect my space, privacy, desires and lifestyle. And its this tiny actions that really speak wonders, because for one, being stubborn people, and two, given their age, these efforts are actually quite difficult and therefore deliberate. And I think it's the moment we start to realise these small efforts as large gestures that we can truly begin to develop a new relationship with our parents after we both have grown into opinionated, independent and sometimes stubborn adults.

Day 243 - secrets

I've taken it upon myself to be less of an open book this year as part of a new years resolution. I've realised that keeping things from people, who don't necessarily need to know everything about your life, is much more valuable than divulging. I see benefits in sharing yourself with people however, but I'm starting to learn the value in keeping certain things private. What this does is that helps you take control over how you feel about your life, your actions and opinions towards things. I talk a lot about walls in this blog, and how they're a bad thing. But I can see how in certain cases walls are good. You need to sort through things before you can fully share it with the world sometimes, because there are a lot of prematurely valuable things inside of all of us, things we want, things we do and we don't know why and sometimes it's not till well after the fact that we realise how valuable these obscure, taboo or self-conscious opinions, actions, and thoughts are to us. And the quicker we are to share that with others, the quicker we get both positive and negative feedback. So, today I am thankful for the things in my life I've chosen to keep private, because it is this action that not only helps you stand behind decisions you make, but also helps you grow independently. And why this is important is because sometimes opening yourself up too much lets you be influenced by others too easily, and its important that you know how and when other's opinions should impact you.

Day 242 - canceling plans for time alone

I canceled a few plans tonight to stay in and read a book. It's funny how sometimes you need to just shut the world out and have some quality me time. Although I really only got about a couple of hours of decent reading in, it was thoroughly refreshing. And what I'm most satisfied with was the fact that I chose to stay in. Sometimes taking responsibility for your mental sanity is a very good feeling, because that really is the case. You have full control of how you feel about your life, and somestimes staying at home really helps you understand that, and today I am very happy I did so.

Day 241 - my cab driver

I have a tendency to strike conversation with cab drivers. I often find that they have very interesting, genuine and informed opinions of what's going on in the world. They are one of the few who develop relatively close relations with such a broad spectrum of the population and for usually a very short period of time. It's funny because taxis are safe zones in some ways. People feel free to talk about just about anything, and a cab driver usually has the capacity to respond, react and put in his/her own two cents. Today a cab driver gave me a long lesson about how to save for your future, and we ended up talking for about five minutes in front of my destination. I left the car and he wished me good luck in all I did in life, and it really stuck with me. So today I'm thankful for this man, and the rest of the cab drivers, that have so much patience for even the more rough around the edges people in this world of ours.

Day 240 - loose plans

Holding on too tightly to plans is something that is more of a hindrance than a virtue I think. I'm often known for being impulsive in some of my decision making, especially in making plans. People tell me that it's easier to hang out with me when they ask me out spontaneously, then making in scheduled plans which are harder to keep for some reason. I used to hate this about myself, but I'm trying to learn to value it. I always wondered if its an indication of not knowing what I want, but I'm starting to think it's the opposite. What I've come to learn is that any second things can change, your opinion, your reasoning, the factors and circumstances. And the future is somethign that you often have little to no control over. And so taking plans as they come is a very genuine way to keep true to what you truly want at any given moment. Sure there's a grey zone in all of this, in that there needs to be a balance of knowing what you want in the grander scheme of things, but at teh same time knowing that that too can and is in your power to change if you chose to I think it's a really healthy way to make decisions in life. There's something to be said about the fact that your body cells reproduce at a rate that makes you a physically different person every two years. And if nature can tell us anything is that it has its way if living in the moment yet harvesting for the future.

Day 239 - tying loose ends

There's often times that you find yourself saying, I'll worry about that later, or I'm not sure how this is going to work out but I'll figure that out when the time comes. And sometimes, now is Later. Today I closed off a lot of loose ends I needed to in my research. Puzzle pieces started coming together and I felt as though everything was finally moving forward. Its a amazing what being a able to see the bigger picture or the end of a tunnel, can do for your motivation. And what's even more amazing is how little effort needs to be made in order to get that feeling, but then again making mountains out of molehills is my specialty. tying

Day 238 - letting go of negativity

I recieved an email from a friend of mine today that showed me a beautiful video of architecture. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, I have decided to steer away from this career path onto something else. This decision left me with many mixed feelings and a bit of resentment for architecture as a career. After watching this video, I realised, once again, why I chose to follow on this path for the last seven years. It also made me realise that although the career isn't suited for me, there are still beautiful things involved with it. It's funny how easily we turn our backs to things things that don't fit, and tend to focus on their faults more than their moments of grace. And today I was able to come to terms with the fact that I am not leaving this career because it's awful and any other negative reason. I am moving towards soemthing I personally would find more fulfilling, but that's not to say that the career I've been following isn't a fullfilling & upstanding one. And I'm happy to have finally learned to let go of that.

Day 237 - talks with dad

Me and my dad will have casual talks from time to time, that are his way of having a heart to heart. He may not know how to show his emotions or talk about matters of the heart, but it's how he shows he cares; through casual conversations where he shows interest in my life. It's important to not dwell on the way your parents have failed to give you what you need, as most do, all parents will inevitably screw their kids up some way or another. So rather than dwelling on what's not there it's important to understand that parents are flawed just like any of us. They have their limitations, and can show love only in certain ways. Yes it may not be what we need directly, but at the end of the day, it is love that we need, and at it's core, parental love is universal, even if it's not in the forms that we identify with. So, although I'd love to have heart to hearts with my dad, casual conversations about how my life is going goes a long when when you look at it the right way.

Day 236 - lazy mornings with friends

I woke up pretty late at a friends house today, we spent the morning watching reruns and eating a long breakfast. Just like morning after breakfasts, lazy days with friends are bonding moments. You usually look and feel like crap and are the type of mornings you spend recuperating from a late night. Being able to do so with a few friends creates bonds because your guard is down, and you're forced to see each other at what each of us think is our own personal worst. And I think that's what's most telling about these mornings. Because if people can accept you when you feel the worst about yourself, its a reassuring feeling.

Day 235 - doing grown-up things with childhood friends

There are few friends in your life that you've known forever. I spent the day with a good friend of mine today, and we spent it cooking together and shopping for her newly purchased apartment. I thought it was really special because I remember us playing together in my basement. And now, we're picking out colour schemes for her living room. It for one, made me realise how far we've come, and two really cherish her as a friend. Although we may have had our ups and downs, we've stuck in each others lives for a reason, and although picking out choral and mustard coloured pillows may not typical cause that sort of thought, today it did for me. I sat in the car waiting for her to bring the last of the home furnishings we bought, and thought to myself, wow, 20 years really does fly. You really shouldn't discount friends that 'are there by default' as some might put it, just because you've3 know them for so long. Because, the fact of the matter is, you know a lot of people in your life, and for someone to maintain a friendship with you for that long is because you chose to them in your life. And 20 years in this case is a long time.

Day 234 - surprisng yourself

I did something last night that I never thought I would be able to do. I woke up and have spent most of the day feeling surprised in myself. And the funny thing is, that sort of thing usually sneaks up on you. You don't realize sometimes what you're capable of until the moment spontaneously presents itself. This is obviously both good and bad, but we won't focus on the latter just now. We sometimes don't let ourselves explore our possibilities because of what society, social circles, family, the list goes on, assumes of us. But sometimes, we just do need to do things regardless, and judge the outcome rather than the potential. And surprising yourself is one of the greatest feelings, almost special enough that you don't even want to share it. At least I don't, not specifically at least.

Day 233 - humility

I found myself around the block from the church I was baptized in today. I decided to go in and light a candle. While I was doing so this song came on my iPod, funny how that works out. And although it's slightly melodramatic, standing there in this room, where my 'spiritual life', so-to-speak, came to be, made me realize the importance of my own humility. I stood there and realised how much of a tainted version of that innocent person I had become. Standing there today, I realised that I can do some extremely stupid and selfish things. And I started to feel tears come into my eyes. I think that's a moment when grace hits you, a moment of humility. A part of me really felt at peace with that, because as I've mentioned time and time again, that's what makes us human, our flaws, our mistakes, our imperfection. And having a reminder of how far away from our purity we've come is extremely humiliating; but liberating as well. Realising there are things greater than us I think is one of the most important things a person should go through. Because it's not to say they you need to believe in a God, Allah, Vishnu, Mother Earth, Buddha or anything for that matter. It's the fact that assuming that we make, break or are this universe just feeds that self-involved arrogance that's going to destroy it. Because it's not wrong to feel flawed and jaded that's what we are. And is there something greater that makes sense of and finds beauty in all of that, I sure hope so.

Day 232 - when roommates turn to family

My old roommates decided to throw me a welcome/ birthday dinner at their house during my stay with this this weekend. This really means a lot to me because although these people are newer friends in my life, yet they definitely mean the world to me, enough that the whole dinner and minor celebration felt like a real family gathering. Its funny how sometimes you know people for ages, and still don't form those bonds. But sometimes, the way the universe has it, people come into your life, and you have the capacity to form the strongest bonds with them. Enough that you can visit with them, and still feel like a household member even if you're not even living there anymore. This really hit home with me tonight, because I've known a lot of people for lengthy periods of time, and the bond I have with these old roommates, compares to these other friendships and my family. And I'm so unbelievably grateful to have them in my life.

Day 231 - appreciation of the arts

"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius." - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I find it ridiculous when people attempt to point out the failures of a project, movie, song, anything in the media, before they congratulate it; especially amidst enjoying the entertainment it might provide. When you're watching a movie, listening to a song, or anything or one for that matter, its' important to wait for it to finish before you judge. And even that, you should point out the good qualities before the bad. Expressing your dislikes only makes it clear that you really have no interesting in admiring works of art, but rather finding some sort of personal self-measurement. If you can look a unanimously admitted piece of crap, and find the beauty in it before its flaws, then and only then are you confident in your own creative abilities. So this post is dedicated to those who wait until they've savoured all the best qualities a piece can offer before offering their own suggestions.

Day 230 - confidential conversations

I had a coffee with an old friend of mine today. It was one of those conversations where we shared information with each other about our past and present, not so well known aspects of ourselves. These conversations are always great ways to get to know another person, and also develop a very unique bond. Not everyone knows certain aspects of yourself, and it's funny the almost randomness in which you find people who you can actually share these things with. Either way, today I'm thankful for these moments, because sometimes these things need to be shared, and when in the right company it's nice when it happens.

Day 229 - time spent getting ready

I used to think not putting time and effort in taking care of yourself was fine, it meant my priorities we're superficial. But as I've gotten older, and developing more of a routine in that sense, I really value this time. Going to the gym, taking care of your appearance, making sure you eat well, basically tending to the physical aspects of yourself really is therapeutic. Valuing your physical self goes hand in hand with confidence and what your receive. It's part of the whole package, and it's the best way to put into motion positive thoughts about yourself, and how you may start your day or evening. And I'm glad to have reached a point where I don't feel sort of guilty, if that's the word, of taking care of myself physically, because it goes hand in hand with taking care of you mind and soul. So tonight while cranking up some soft music and taking my time to get ready after a nice shower, I thought to myself how valuable this time was, and how we should really cherish taking care of ourselves. It's like eating a good meal, a good nights sleep, a meditation or feeling something really powerful...these are fueling moments that help recharge our batteries, and in this case gets the night off to a good start.

Day 228 - children's stories

I've always loved children's stories, I just came back from watching a remake of a story I grew up reading, and the movie was amazing. I think we all should read a children's story time and time again, I find it really theraputic and I think I know why. These stories are the foundations of our value systems. They really are the things we should be preoccupied with on a fundamental level. And I think reading them from time to time, at least the classic ones that we as adults can relate to, are good reminders of a) where we come from and b) what's improtant. I've always said that my favourite book will forever be a french children's novel, and I think i'll stick by that.

Day 227 - baby steps

It's hard to imagine that any change would occur in your life overnight. Growing into a habit, relationship, routine with baby steps is the only way anything sustains itself. So today I'm thankful for the minor adjustments that I've been trying to implement into my life. They are like a small peice of a larger puzzle, but bit-sized enough to give you a minor feeling of acheivement. If we can begin to look at how to make the now better, the future will automatically be better. So these minor baby steps are great ways to feel as though you've acheived something, and are definitely contributing to a great positve outcome.